For You
by XiongYi
Summary: After a terrible accident, Spock and Jim are no longer a couple. This causes Jim to fall into a deep depression, while Spock hides his emotions away with work and meditation. How far will they go until they realize that they can't stand to be apart?
1. Chapter 1

_For You  
_

* * *

A shallow knock sounded at Uhura's door and she looked up from the PADD she was currently browsing through. Her eyes shined with confusion; she had not been expecting anyone.

"Computer, unlock door," she ordered in a soft, tired voice. It was late at night and, in minutes, she was going to head to bed. Now she had to wait because someone had decided 2300 hours was a good time for visiting.

When the door swished opened, Spock stood on the other side. Right then, all annoyance melted away and a tiny smile curved her lips upwards.

"Spock," she said, "Come in. What're you doing here so late? Where's Jim? Aren't you two...?"

But Spock cut her off as he stepped inside, the door swishing shut behind.

"That is why I came here," Spock explained.

Uhura gave him a look of confusion. "What is it, Spock? Has something happened?"

"Yes."

"Yes?" Uhura repeated. "Spock, what is it? Where's Jim?"

Spock shook his head, closed his eyes, and reopened them. There was something odd that tinted his usually dark, emotionless eyes. "I do not know. That is why I came here, Nyota."

"Jim's missing?" Uhura's voice rose slightly with the growing panic that swelled in her chest, and caused her heart to beat faster. If something had happened...

She clenched her fists.

"Spock, when was the last time you saw him."

Spock closed his eyes as the memory played back.

It was before his shift started, and he was in the medbay. Jim was getting his hand bandaged up, because he had injured it when they were down on the planet _K'tyu_. Something warm washed over him when he remembered the delicate moment they shared before being separated.

There had been soft words spoken, and Jim's warm body pressed safely against Spock's chest. There had been kisses, and caresses and just the thought that moment made Spock long for Jim - his presence, his touch, his everything.

"Spock?"

"The last I saw him was the medbay," Spock explained.

"The medbay?" Uhura repeated, and Spock gave her a curt nod. "Then, let's go."

* * *

They had not found Jim at the medbay, but when Spock returned to his quarters, Jim was present.

A warm feeling washed through him then, as he stepped into the dimmed room with the door closing behind him.

"Jim," Spock said. "You are here. Where have you been?"

But Jim did not respond. He merely looked up at Spock with widen blue eyes.

That's when Spock took a closer look at him, and actually saw his appearance.

He sat at the edge of the bed, with legs pulled close to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. Even in the dim light, Spock saw how pale Jim's usually toned skin was, and how messed his blonde hair looked. Besides that, his shirt was right-side-in and stains were visible; stains that smelled purely of another.

"Jim? What has happened?"

Spock took a step forward, to go and comfort his obviously distressed mate, but Jim shook his head.

"No," he ordered in a rough, scratchy voice. "Please, I don't -"

He shook his head and buried his head into his legs.

"Jim, what is the matter?" Anger burned hot as coals inside Spock as realization hit.

Someone had dared harmed his mate. Some filthy being had set their scent upon Jim's. This was not supposed to happen. It was not...

A growl, low and deep, vibrated inside Spock's throat.

"Jim," Spock said, "Tell me who it was."

"You'll hate me." Jim sounded on the verge of tears. It nearly killed Spock that he could do nothing for comfort. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

"Illogical. I will not, could not, hate you," Spock reassured. "Jim, you are my_ t'hy'la_, I could never hate you. Jim, for me to help you, you need to tell me whom it was that harmed you."

A sob shook Jim's fragile body, yet he did not move to look up.

He took a deep breath, though it did nothing to help calm his nerves. Finally, he whispered in a voice so quiet, that only Spock would be able to hear, "Me..."

There was silence; before Spock squared his shoulders and tightened his fists.

"_Illogical_. You cannot -"

"No, Spock," Jim whispered as he fought another cry of pain and suffering. "It was me. I did this to myself. It was my entire fault, Spock. I should never have kissed back. Maybe if I never had, this would never have happened."

"You -?"

"Yes, Spock; it was me. There is no one to punish but me. I was the one who kissed back, who made the first move. Punish me, not him."

"_Him_?" Spock questioned. His anger was quickly transforming into rage, pure and unsteadying.

How dare he! How dare his_ t'hy'la_ do something so... unacceptable! Spock had trusted Jim with his love. Yet, now, he dirtied it. Jim dirtied that love meant for him and only him and tainted it with another man.

Jim took in a gulping breath before he said in his broken, hoarse voice, "B- Bones..."

Another growl escaped Spock's throat as he stared at Jim.

Why had _t'hy'la_ disobeyed? Why had he fallen for another? This wasn't supposed to happen. When a couple were _t'hy'la_, they were meant to be forever. Now that forever was broken and Jim was taken, what would Spock do now?

"Jim," Spock growled out, "I... can no longer call you _t'hy'la_. Once my mate has been touched by another, we cannot stay together. You knew this before, Jim. Why did you do what you did?"

Jim looked up with a face of absolute devastation. Tears shined in his eyes just for an instant before they slid fast down his paled face. "Please, Spock, no!" he begged with his rough, hoarse voice. "Please, I still love you. I've only made a mistake; a _fucking stupid mistake_. Please, don't do this... _Please_..."

"I apologize, Jim, but I cannot. the Vulcan way and I must follow it. I am sure Doctor McCoy would trust you with his love, but I can say that I no longer can."

And, with that, Spock turned to leave with the door sliding shut behind him.

The only sound which remained was the sound of Jim's soft cries, and his hushed please for Spock's return.

* * *

**-hides-**

**Please, don't kill me!**

**I fear that I've made Spock way too harsh. What do you think? **

**And, yes, this is going to get angsty and suspenseful. For those of you who want warnings, here -**

**Warnings - Language, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and, of course, some good 'ol sex scenes (by good 'ol, I mean, my terrible sex-scene writing :3)**

**Well, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy it, and please review!**

**Peace,**

**XiongYi**


	2. Chapter 2

_For You  
_

* * *

The next morning, Jim did not want to wake. So, he forced his eyes open and made his legs to move. His body felt stiff and his mind was foggy, but he still had a job to do and he was going to do it without complaints.

Neither Spock nor Bones were present. This, for Jim, would be awkward if they were. Jim blamed Bones for this whole damn mess. If he didn't kiss, Jim would never have kissed back. It was that simple.

And, if the kiss never occurred, neither would the sex. And if the sex didn't happen, then Spock would still be at Jim's side, where he should always, and forever, be.

Jim shook his head. _No. Cannot think of Spock. Cannot..._

So, instead, he sat down at a table in the Mess with Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov.

"Is something the matter, Jim?" was Uhura's first question after a good, long stare at her captain.

But he merely shook his head. "No," he replied. Why'd you ask?"

She raised an eyebrow in a bad imitation of Spock. "Well, you just seem... tired. You're not known for sleeping issues, Jim. Something must have happened." She looked him over once more, with Sulu and Chekov watching her carefully. "Spock's been acting different, too. Is there something you want to tell me?"

But Jim shook his head as his response. "No, don't worry about it," he told her. "It's nothing. It was only a... a fight. Nothing we can't fix." For reassurance, he gave her a forced, bright grin.

She sighed, and just decided to drop the subject for now. "If you say so." What else _could_ she say?

* * *

The rest of the meal went by slowly, and so did the day, but when night came, he fought to control himself.

Instinct told him to go to Spock, but then Jim remembered last night.

His stomach tightened into painful knots as a cold wave of emptiness washed through him.

He shook his head as he fought back tears. _No. Spock doesn't want me. He said so himself. I am **tainted; **I am no longer t'hy'la..._

With a heart that ached for Spock, Jim stepped inside his room, and got ready for a long night alone.

* * *

Uhura knocked on the door blocking her from Spock's room.

"Spock?" Her knocking subsided as her voice broke through the barrier. "May I come in?"

There was a far-away sounding, "Computer, unlock door," and the door opened with a soft swish before she stepped foot into the room.

Spock was standing before her. He was as stoic and emotionless as always, but Uhura knew better. She saw the tint of emotion in his coal-black eyes; it was an emotion that not even Uhura, herself, could identify.

"Nyota," he said and unfolded his hands from behind his back. "What are you doing here? Is something the matter?" His eyes ran up and down her for just a second, trying to find any signs that she was distressed. Fortunately, he found none.

Uhura shook her head. "No; I'm fine. That's not why I came to see you, Spock." She took a step ahead. "The reason why I am here is because of you. Something has been bothering you, Spock; and Jim, too. He told me it was nothing but a fight; that he could handle it. But I don't believe him. I know it's something much bigger. First, Jim has had nothing to eat at all today. Second, he has been avoiding you and Dr. McCoy as if you two were the plaque. And lastly, he hasn't been his self at all. He has been oddly quiet, and just a tap on his shoulder startles him."

Uhura took a few more steps forward, until she and Spock were mere inches apart from one another. "And you haven't been yourself today, either, Spock. You've been quieter than usual, and have been secluded in your room most of the time. Please, Spock, tell me what's the matter. I want to help."

As her words sunk in, Spock took more than one step backwards. "Nyota, it is unbecoming to pry into one's personal business; even if it may have good intentions. It is of no matter to you. I can handle this on my own. And I forbid you to speak to Jim of this matter. I can handle this on my own, and I believe so can he. I do not need assistance."

Something; anger, was it? Or hurt?; swelled up inside Uhura. "What has gotten into you, Spock? I only came in here to help, and you act like... _this_?"

"What is it that I am acting like, Nyota?" Spock wondered. Uhura noticed that his fists were clenched tight against his sides.

"Like... a _bastard_!" she told him, her voice rising drasctically. "Both you and Jim are walking around as if someone died, and when I offer to help, you _reject me_!"

"Like I have said, Nyota; your assistance is not needed. You may leave now."

She growled out in frustration. "Fine; I'll leave! And, you know what? If you do decide you want my help, I won't give it to you!"

And, with that, Uhura turned swiftly on her heels and stomped out the door, leaving behind a silenty fuming Spock.

How _dare she_!

A growl vibrated in his throat as he stared at the shut door. He was nearly shaking with anger.

She had no right to pry into his personal life. None _whatsoever_! Yes, they had a relationship going for a little over four months, but that still gave her no right. _None_!

Now sitting at the edge of the bed, Spock closed his eyes.

Something deep down said that his actions were wrong. He should never have terminated his and Jim's relationship. That it was illogical to do so and that problems could have been sorted out together.

That, he knew, was his Human side talking. His fists clenched at his sides; even tighter than they already were.

His Vulcan sighed told him the termination was logical. That it had to happen. No Vulcan wanted a tainted mate; _none_. So, of course, he could no longer be with Jim. It was only logical.

So why, even after that, did he feel so cold and empty inside, even though that was completely illogical?

A soft whine passed through his lips as his eyes shut tighter and his fists clenched harder until the knuckles turned white.

Despite everything that had happened in such a short period of time, Spock needed Jim. He needed Jim's soft warm caresses. He needed Jim's welcoming kisses. He needed Jim's body pressed close and warm against his own; safe and protected in Spock's arms.

But, no; Jim was no longer his. The _doctor_ had tainted Jim with his own kisses and caresses. Jim now belonged to the _doctor_; he was now the _doctor's_ mate. No longer was he Spock's. _Never again. _

In one swift, sudden movement, Spock got to his feet. He needed meditation; his head was nearly pounding with unneeded thoughts.

With a shake of his head and unclenching of his fists, Spock left to go for meditation.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**So, as you all could tell, this is chapter **_**numero dos**_**. Still a bucket of angst. It's going to be that way for a while. So, if angst ain't your thing, you all know where the door is.**

**Thank you all once more. Please review and tell me your thoughts! =)**

**Peace,**

**XiongYi**


	3. Chapter 3

_For You  
_

* * *

"Jim? Are you awake?"

With newly-opened eyes, Jim stared upwards at the ceiling. A soft knock sounded at the door. It continued for a moment before, with a tired yawn, he called out,

"Who is it?"

The soft answer came immediately, "It's me; Uhura. Can I come in, Jim?"

He got up and out of his bed, then. After rubbing at his tired eyes, he slipped on his wrinkled nightshirt. With a yawn, Jim ordered for the door to unlock and it swished opened to reveal Uhura.

"Good morning," she said in a sweet tone.

He gave her a curious look before replying, "'Morning."

She chuckled. "You don't have to look at me like that, Jim. I just came here to see how you were doing."

She eyed him up and down. It seemed that she was looking for something. She found the distress signal; light bags beneath Jim's eyes. That was an indicator of a night with little to no seep.

"Rough night?" came Uhura's worried, motherly tone.

Jim eyed her for a moment before replying, "Yeah; didn't get much sleep."

One of Uhura's eyebrows rose. "Is everything alright with Spock?"

Jim visibly filched at the mention of his now-former boyfriend. All night, he had hoped Spock would walk through his door and beg for him back. Of course, that never happened.

His dreams came on and off. They were mainly memories of the moments Jim and Spock spent together, no matter how sappy that sounded.

But he forced a smile, despite the terrible longing ache inside him. "Everything's fine, Uhura. Just trying to sort things out," he lied.

She gave him a concerned look, but it washed off moments after it appeared. A tiny smile grew in its place. "Oh, enough with this _Uhura_ business; call me Nyota. We're off-duty now, aren't we?"

The shadow of a smile curved Jim's lips upwards. "Nyota," he repeated.

She chuckled and set a warm, gentle hand on Jim's shoulder. "Yes, Jim; Nyota." She smiled as well. "Now, will you tell me what's wrong?"

Jim heaved out a sigh. "Uhu- Nyota, I've already told you; I can handle this on my own. I'm glad you want to help, but please, just let me deal with this alone. Please."

Uhura, herself, heaved out a sigh. "You sound just like Spock."

Jim's eyes widened just then. "_What_?"

"I went to see Spock the other day, and he was all; _I can handle this on my own. I do not need your assistance_. He frustrates me _so much_ sometimes. Jim, I don't know how you manage to put up with him. I don't know how _I _managed to put up with him."

_Because I love him, Nyota. I love him so much, more than anything else. That's why I can deal with him. I don't know how I'll be able to live without him. One day was like Hell. The rest of my life..._

Jim shivered inwardly. He felt so cold, so empty. He needed Spock to make him warm again. Even if Spock was just standing next to him, he'd be beyond happy; thrilled, ecstatic.

But Spock was nowhere in sight. A whimper passed through his lips, and he just remembered that Uhura was with him.

She gave him a strange, worried look, but before she could say anything, he said, "Uh, Nyota... I think you should leave."

And, with one tiny nod, Uhura left, and not before eyeing Jim over for anything that should not be there.

The door swished shut, and Jim was, once again, alone.

Spock looked around his empty room.

It was cold and dark, but he did not mind. What the room was did not bother him.

What bothered him was Uhura's sudden attitude, and Jim's absence.

He disliked the fact that Uhura tried to pry into his personal business. This concerned him and Jim, not her. And he _did not_ doubt that she had spoken to Jim of the matter. But, knowing Jim, he wouldn't have told her a thing.

His lips curved upwards just a tiny bit for a Vulcan smile.

_Smart, Jim. _

A soft, pleased purr rumbled inside Spock's chest. Jim would not tell Uhura a thing. His _t'hy'la_ was smart like that. If she pried, _t'hy'la_ would tell her some illogical lie and leave her to her questions.

And that's when something seemed to snap inside of Spock.

Jim was not his; not anymore. Jim was the _doctor's_, _not_ Spock's.

The purr quickly transformed into a deep growl.

If Jim was no longer his, then why was he thinking these illogical thoughts?

He closed his eyes tight, then reopened them moments later.

He needed bed rest. He felt drained, illogically so. That was why he was having these thoughts; his mind was exhausted.

So, with that one last thought, Spock stood from his sitting position and headed off for a good night's sleep with illogical hopes for an easier tomorrow.

* * *

_I need you, Spock; can't you see?_

_I'm falling apart here. I need you. _

_I need your touch. I need your kiss. I need your body. _

_Please, Spock; come back. _

_Please...  
_

* * *

_Jim, t'hy'la… why did you have to disobey me the way you did?_

_I need you, yet I cannot have you. I do not want another man's scent upon my own skin. _

_If you hadn't, we would still be together. I would be able to touch you, to kiss you, and to hold you so that you are safe. But you know of Vulcan ways, Jim,my t'hy'la._

_They state that I can no longer be with you if another touches you the way they did. _

_You belong to the doctor now, Jim. He is now yours and yours, him. _

_I apologize greatly, my Jim. But that is the rule I must abide by.  
_

* * *

**So, another chapter done and done. How was it? I promise you, some good stuff will come up sooner or later. For now, this is just like the introduction. A very long intro, that is. **

**Anyways, like always, please review! **

**Peace,**

**XiongYi  
**


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